A month ago I got an email from a Korean friend, who stayed with us in Krakow for a few days about 2 years ago. This is one part of it:
One thing I never told you, I just can’t forget until now.
At the first day I arrived at your home, you showed me the room, the toilet balabala,
And at the same time, your kids had a fight for a toy, they screamed …. you tried to approach the kids, but then one of them pulled the toy too fast and it hit your face.
Suddenly all was just so silent….. I was keeping imaging how will it be? Would you hit the child to say don’t do again??? Or would you scold them??? However it will definitely be embarrassing for me.
But, you just said: „oh!!!! No,,,,, you made me so much pain ………. and then the smaller kid just took a chair , stood on it, then kissed your face…!!!!!
And you hug him!!!!!!!!!
It really made me so surprised and impressed , just felt full of love and made me rethink what was the better way of kids education…….
Yes, it happened. I made it that time and I’m proud of it. But for every good reaction like the one above there are about five or ten not so model reactions from my side. Because I am tired or busy, I am too fast, too judgmental, too superficial or just lazy.
Being a parent is the hardest of tasks I have ever done.
I have never imagined it is so hard. In fact, in present society, we do not deal with kids of others. Our families are small, there are no aunts with their kids living with us, no grandmas at home, no cousins. Present families are two generations only and this makes us unprepared to be a parent.
I have went through so many failures with my kids that I cannot tell you. I doubted on myself, my husband, my kids and even on my mum. I have read a lot of books on education and parenting, I have tried different strategies.
Finally, I had to admit it that I will never be a perfect parent with perfect kids. There are no perfect solutions, my husband is never gonna be a perfect one and I have to just let it go and maintain healthy on my mind.
Because parenting is a very hard, full time never ending job. You are needed all the time, 24/7 and it’s real. You have no privacy at all (even sacred shitting will be stopped, if your baby cries) and no time for taking care of yourself, at least not at a normal pace (one minute make-up is a standard for me). You need to cope with multiple conflict situations, know how to motivate your kids, explain things you do not dare to admit you don’t understand, repeat rules and restrictions over and over, admit your mistakes and turn into a humble being, otherwise you will just waste yourself completely when your expectations clash with reality. You need to be a consistent planner, health issues expert, resourceful entertainer in both extremely boring and highly stressful situations, and a creative cook or at least food provider. Suddenly all small things will matter, like how to take away a stain, sew things, pack multiple bags or fix a toy..
And what it all comes down to is to just let it go and create a family life with no stress but love. As simple as that. And so hard to get..
And when I do this while making all that mistakes which are so easy to make, my kids come over, hug me and tell me „mum, I love you”. They really do. And they mean it. And I do. And I go to my husband and say the same. And I look with love to the world around..
Suddenly all is fine and I think parenting is the most rewarding task in our life. Life is beautiful again, la la la, even though I feel like a failure as a parent so many times..
And then suddenly one of the kids cries, so I put away the laptop and run into the kids room to check what’s going on and need to solve anther conflict situation or provide food or medicine or… all starts again .. when will I have the option to blog as a decent person at least.. oh, here comes the little one again and she kisses me.. life is beautiful.. la la la…